The Berry Hierarchy

There's a hierarchy of fruit preferences in our household that I decoded awhile ago, and was reminded of it yesterday when we hosted Mother's Day lunch and spent 98% of said lunch listening to Amelia yell "MORE!" and helping her rifle through the berry bowl for the most prized berries.

Let's go through the hierarchy, from lowliest to most exalted:

BANANAS: What is a banana? Might as well be feeding them trash. Nick brings these to work, and the ones that go brown end up in the freezer for smoothies (with berries; see below).

APPLES: See banana, above. A last resort when the only other option is starvation.

CITRUS (mostly clementines): Tolerated, but mostly at dinnertime when the alternatives are vegetables.

GRAPES: In favor. We're getting closer to a berry.

And here it is, my friends. The berry hierarchy. Have I gone insane? I used to know things like literary discourse analysis and now I rank produce in my brain.

BLUEBERRIES: Only tolerated if they're the sole type of berry in the house. I am the primary consumer of blueberries for this reason--basically the pariah of the berries.

STRAWBERRIES: Favored, but mostly when they're out of season and $78 per pint.

And now the queen and king:

RASPBERRIES: Finally! A tolerable fruit. Preferred for their inordinate expense and tiny package, I'm guessing. One pack of raspberries=one serving. Gone in a day.

BLACKBERRIES: The holy grail. Preferred for same reasons as raspberries, as well as their impressive staining capability. One package of blackberries contains about 3 berries; perfect option for a family of four for a week.

And I try to follow or exceed the dirty dozen, so of course all aforementioned berries are organic and twice the cost! Will refer my children to this post when they want to know why there's not more money in their college fund.

In the words of my mom, once I shared this information with her, "And who said moms don't think?!"

Do you have a fruit hierarchy in your household?

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