Last night I had a dream that I had to go back to work, and it was my first day back at the office. I had begged and pleaded with Nick for us to figure out a way to let me stay home--we could move!--but it wasn't possible. In the dream I assumed that I would work for awhile, we could save money, and then if we had any more children I would be home with them again, and Nick told me no, I was back to work now and I'd need to stay working. Amelia was about the age she is now, and I remember walking away from her wondering how she would manage without me.
Today has been just another normal day, but I've been extra thankful for the snuggles, laughs, and even the everyday mundane tasks and responsibilities. I am so thankful I can be home to raise my babies.
Being at home with kids can be messy, monotonous, and frustrating. I still sometimes find myself brainstorming places I can PUT these children while I get something done! Why are there so many needs? What about my needs?! I have a college degree from a great school. On really bad days in the motherhood world, I will still sometimes fantasize about sitting in my old office, in professional, clean clothing drinking a still-hot cup of coffee while I focused on a set number of tasks that I would be rewarded for, sometimes in praise and always in a paycheck! My day would have a beginning, middle, and end, and each day felt like its own entity.
I didn't have any idea what I was getting myself into when I signed up for this job, but I believe it to be the best job in the world. Staying home to raise children never feels luxurious, but it IS a luxury, and I don't take it for granted. I'm so thankful for a husband who values the work that I do, who makes sacrifices to live on one income without batting an eye, and who had the vision for me to be home in the first place! (I was the girl in college who thought she'd never have kids, who thought she'd be the next greatest NYC magazine editor. I would laugh when Nick would tell me he'd like me to stay home once we had kids. I'm so glad he's smarter than I am.)
The sacrifices are great, and the rewards are, too. Not every day, and sometimes not even every week, or month! But when the rewards do come, they are so worth it and too sweet for words. To see a pair of sisters who don't know they're being watched care for each other, kiss each other's boo boos, and generally be well-adjusted, secure, sweet human beings. I take credit for this because I am raising them! I am gently guiding them each step of the way. And when my nest is empty one day, I hope I won't have any regrets because I didn't miss a thing.
Here are some memory lane photos, whose common theme is cute babies, tired mom with greasy hair, and the best and happiest adventure of my life.